The One and Only

A sad fact occurred to me the other day. I realized that I have come to a time in my life that I attend more funerals than weddings. Many of the people in my parents generation have passed. Sometimes my mind goes back to all those nights I could hear the laughter of my parents and their friends or family members coming from the kitchen. There were countless card games of 500 played across that round oak kitchen table.

This week I received news of another person from my childhood who was failing. In the late 60’s and early 70’s a farm kid almost always joined a 4-H club. 4-H is a youth mentoring program. In the United States it is administered by the Department of Agriculture. It’s purpose is to develop citizenship, leadership, responsibility and life skills.Every time I think of 4-H I smile and remember my leader. Her name was Betty. Betty and her family lived on a farm one mile over and kitty-corner from ours. She and her husband, Rollie had seven children. One of those children was exactly my age. Her name was Lori. Lori and I were friends since kindergarten. When we reached the 5th grade we were old enough to join 4-H. 4-H clubs were divided between boys and girls and by the area you lived in. Betty was our leader from the beginning. Our club met once a month in the basement of an old country church. We had 25-30 members ranging from 5th-12th grades. Needless to say, Betty had her hands full. But there was no one more suited for the job than Betty. There was no personality type she could not handle. I think I can probably say without contradiction that Lori and I were a couple of the more challenging of the group. I suppose part of it was because Lori and I were such good friends. I had gotten to the point where I was so comfortable around Betty she was like another mom. But like a mom I also knew that when Betty used a certain tone of voice and said, “Hey, you two in the back,” (she was looking at Lori and I) “Sit down and shut up!” She meant it and it was time to do exactly what she said. I want to pause for a moment and say do not be offended by that quote. It was a different time. And we knew Betty loved us. There was not a mean bone in her body. She just could talk tough when she needed to. In our case, it was appropriate and deserved.

My memories of Betty are many. I can not count all the ways she influenced my life. Every Christmas I think of the times Betty brought boxes of old dolls to our 4-H meetings. She picked the dolls up at various second hand stores or yard sales. Most of them were in desperate need of washing and their hair was usually a mangled mess. We each received one or two dolls to take home. Our assignment was to wash them, fix their hair and sew new cloths for them. We were given a dead line to have them turned back in. It was so much fun to come back to the next meeting and see the transformation of those dolls. Betty gathered all the refurbished dolls and they were donated to charity.

Many times Betty took us to the County Home. It was a county run nursing facility. Our assignment there was to interact with the residents. At times we would make crafts with them but most of the time we were there just to visit. I can still see the smiles that came across those dear souls faces when our little 4-H club walked in. Another activity we did was called, “demonstrations.” Sometimes we demonstrated on how to cook a certain food like cake, cookies, or main dishes. Other times we showed how to refinish furniture or set a proper place setting. The demonstration I remember the most was the one Lori and I did together. We talked about various types of house plants. Betty worked with us timelessly. She made sure we made eye contact with the audience. She reminded us to speak clearly and not look down at our notes too often. She helped us set up the display so that all the specimens of plants could each be seen. I had a beautiful Wandering Jew, (Tradescantia Zebrina) that we used in that demonstration. To this day when I see a plant like that I remember my 4-H days..I remember Betty.

Years ago both of our family farms were sold. A few years after that my mother and Betty became neighbors once again. They had rooms across the hall and kitty-corner from each other in a nursing facility. Sadly, they both suffered from dementia so their conversations with each other were few. My mother passed four months ago. While I was still writing this blog I received a text message from Lori. Betty passed on this afternoon. I am sad and yet also thankful. She has peace.

My purpose first and foremost for this blog is simply to say “thank you” to Betty. I am so very glad I knew you. You taught me how to be a good citizen, a good homemaker and you will always have a place in my heart. “Thank you” for hosting the absolute best slumber parties in town. “Thank you” for giving me a ride to countless basketball and football games. I hope you know how much you will be missed.

The second purpose of this blog is to encourage all of us to pause and ask ourself the question, “What legacy am I leaving?” If the Lord tarries, what will people say about me at my funeral? Will they say I was an encourager or will they say I died bitter and alone? More importantly, will they know without a shadow of doubt I am with the Lord in heaven or will most of the people who knew me be skeptical?

“Because if you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9)

Salvation has nothing to do with denomination. It has everything to do with Jesus Christ. I have no doubt I will see the one and only Betty again someday. Until that time I will strive to leave the legacy that she would be proud of.

Goodbye for now, Betty, I will see you soon…save a mason jar of iced tea for me.